As this is a major life change for you and your children it is normal to experience a huge sense of loss. Divorce and separation rank second only to death as the most stressful time in your life. Even though the whole family goes through the transition at the same time, different family members will be affected in different ways at different times.
It is therefore essential that you are able to separate your feelings from those of your children. When relationships break down, one partner has probably made the decision to separate before the other. This means that one partner is generally further along the emotional roller coaster that is separation and divorce, than the other.
Irrespective of which position you are in, having an insight in to what the rest of your family might be going through will prove invaluable in you being able to transition successfully.
You can help yourself and your children enormously by:
- Looking after yourself, by eating well, getting enough sleep, limiting alcohol consumption and taking some exercise. Take time out for you and recognise that you are under significant stress at this time. Where appropriate let your employer/ co – workers know what you are going through so that they can cut you some slack.
- Children First: Place the needs of your children at the centre of your decision making process.
- Create a support network around you. This can be family, friends, a good family lawyer, a family therapist and a financial adviser who specialises in helping people on separation and divorce. Don’t worry if you don’t know where to find this support. We will be able to recommend other professionals to you.
- Plan for your future. By engaging the help of divorce professionals you will be able to make informed decisions about your future. Don’t allow yourself to sit with your head in the sand. That way you will be forced to react to situations and may make rash, badly informed decisions which could negatively impact you and your children’s futures.
- Be aware that you will have good days and bad days throughout the process. Don’t be afraid to admit you are having a bad day. Nobody can get through a separation and divorce without some bad days. If you are not feeling up to par, reschedule important meetings. We understand !
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